Tonight is another meal put on by one of my student's parents to thank the teachers for their hard work. It will probably take place at a restaurant. Too many dishes will be ordered. I will have everyone near me put things in my bowl that I wouldn't choose to serve myself. There will be MANY toasts, which means means a lot of drinking. The men will slowly turn bright red. They will also begin smoking near the end of the meal. But the best of all is I will have a few moments to myself to think and process. I will no doubt be in a room FULL of people but I will feel alone. There will be intervals of at least 20 minutes where no one speaks to me because well, we share no common language. We don't even share common gestures or niceties. Many times as I am sitting eating watching everyone around me I begin to hold their conversations in my head. It is amazing how when trying to guess what they are saying my true feelings or underlying thoughts come out. I realize that I feel as though I have nothing in common with these people. But alas, they are still people. I have lived with other people who didn't speak English but I have never felt the same way as I do here.
Perhaps it is because my country does produce propaganda against this one and I have succumbed to it.
Perhaps it is because their country was "closed" for such a long time and is still somewhat shrouded in mystery.
Perhaps it is because I live in a subdued state of fear because it is what was here long before I arrived.
Perhaps it is because their tonal language is hard, kind of like German.
Perhaps I don't understand their hand gestures.
Regardless of all of these things, I know tonight their will be awkward moments; I won't be as entertaining as they hoped; I will probably swallow at least one fish bone; everyone will leave full; and I will discover more about myself in this 2 hour dinner than I would if I stayed locked up in my apartment by myself for the next week.
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