laughable humans

So I just spent the last few days and nights in beyond gorgeous Guilin area. I took too many photos, as always. Once I purchased this digital camera I know I can crop and edit. This seems like I would take fewer pictures knowing I can alter the ones I do indeed take. However, the purchase if the camera has had the opposite effect and thus my computer's memory is being eaten much like the fruit in The Hungry Caterpillar.

My travel companions and I stayed 4 kilometers outside of the nearby town in a renovated farmhouse. It was brilliant because we were literally a few minutes’ walk from the river and had an un interrupted view of the limestone mountains that have made the area famous. They are the heart beat of the area and much resembles a pulse on a heart rate monitor. By night 3 we had all taken tons of pics of the surrounding beats and yet when me and another girl went for a late night walk, the scenery became a whole new creature.

The shades of black and grey had a bluish undertone. The stars were visible for the first time since I have left the States. The frogs filled the expanse with their croaking. I just had to laugh. As the mountains swelled with pride, mine shrunk. I felt like a true human, completely small and just one piece of His entire creation. As smart as we humans are we still cannot capture the awe and grandeur of the One and what He has made. We may make cameras and other various forms of recording devices but there is no way to capture all that was smelled, heard, sensed, felt, and seen on that short walk through the countryside of China. And for that I am truly grateful. It makes me appreciate the true value that this life has and the treasures that will only ever be held between my spirit and this feeble mind.

Fishy

If you have been following my facebook staus at all you would know there have been some rather important fish in my life recently. Here is the story, the whole story.

Sunday afternoon I called my neighbor to let her know I was home if she wanted to go play badminton. She informed me that she, her husband, and two teachers from our school were out fishing and they were having a very successful time of it. They had already caught over 30 fish. She asked if I would want any. I thought to myself, sure I can cook a fish! A few hours later she knocked on my door. To my utter shock she had a huge back sack FULL of living flopping fish. She instructed me to go get a basin. I ran to the bathroom and grabbed the cleaner looking one of the two that I own. ) They came with the house and I have no idea what they were used for.) She reached into her sack and pulled out three fish she thought were appropriate, each about 7 inches in length. Two were the same kind but one was a little wider and more diamond shaped than fish shaped. She told me to put some water in the basin and to feed the fish. I was in such a state of shock I forgot to ask her what on earth I was supposed to feed them, obviously not fish food. I thanked her and tried to hide my horror. Back home when someone goes fishing and asks if you want some they usually gut it for you. Not only were mine not gutted, they were still ALIVE!!

I carried my basin to the bathroom and set it down and filled it with water. One fish was causing problems. He was thrashing about. I decided to leave them in the bathroom because it is completely tiled and the easiest place to clean, therefore it is really the cleanest room in my house.

Because it was Sunday night I was expecting Tony, my neighbor and one of my students, for tutoring that night. He came over shortly after I sorted out the fish. I had forgotten it was his birthday! During the lesson the fish were thrashing about. Tony was so frightened. "What is that?!?” he squealed. I showed him the fish and he was rather pleased. Every time they splashed he would say, "teacher, your fish are moving". After our lesson he invited me over to have some cake. Of course I had to go. While at his home his mother came out of the kitchen with a very large dead fish on a plate. He asked if I wanted it. I said no because I already had three in my home but my answer was ignored. The fish was transferred to a plastic grocery bag and placed on the coffee table until I left. I took the dead fish, went home and placed it in my fridge. Before bed I went to check on the fish in the bathroom. One had died, the diamond looking one. I texted one of my Chinese friends and asked if he had experience killing and cooking fish. He said yes so I asked if he would help me.

The next day I took a shower with the fish still in their basin still in my bathroom. That was a whole new experience by itself.

That afternoon my friend came over at lunch to show me how to deal with my problem. He cooked the large dead fish that had already been gutted. I was kinda sad. I wanted him to "handle" one of the other ones. It was delicious but I still felt ill prepared for what lie ahead. That evening I transferred the fish from the bathroom into the kitchen. As I was laying in bed that night I heard the fish thrashing about and then I heard the sound of slapping on the tile floor. I jumped out of bed and found one the fish had jumped out of the basin. Oh brother! In the morning I tried to change their water but as I was dumping out the water in to the kitchen sink they both slipped out and went in the sink. The feisty one went bananas. He took off a few scales in the drain plug. I got them both back in to the basin with fresh water but they looked like they’d been in a fight. After my afternoon classes I came home and found the other one laying on the kitchen floor. He was still breathing but I had no idea how long he had been out of water. That night I met up with some other Chinese friends. One of them is obsessed with food. He has made fish for me before so i thought I could entice him to come over and cook dinner for me if I provided live fish. He was thrilled but wouldn't be able to come over until Thursday night. My task was to keep them alive until then. It was only Monday...

The fish that had died the previous night was unlucky. I just tossed him away. I couldn't deal with it. That night the fatter of the two died so he went in the fridge as well. That afternoon, Tuesday, I decided to be brave and do this thing. Hannah the butcher. I sharpened my cleaver and tried to remember what everyone had told me. I de-scaled and gutted that baby. I didn't even gag once! the de-scaling took WAY longer than I was thinking it would. Inside the fish I found all kinds of new and interesting things. he floating device was by far the most interesting though. I knew God was a genius, but this was truly amazing! I put the fillet I had created into the fridge and then I was off for the day.

Wednesday afternoon I cooked my fillet and ate him for lunch. It was kinda cool eating something that had entered my house alive. I’d like to think that he had died from natural causes, trauma being one of them. The second fish didn't make it through the afternoon either. There was NO way I was going to be Hannah the butcher two days in a row and my friend wouldn't have cooked the fish if he knew it died on Wednesday afternoon. "Not fresh!" he was sure to yell at me. So the fish with the most fight was just tossed out. It was kind of sad to see him go that way, but then again, he was just a fish.

Faces

Tonight I had one of my students, Tony, over to my house for his weekly tutoring. Last week I failed to remember it was his birthday. I felt terrible so I promised to make it up to him with one cookie (he says he is a little fat so he can only eat one), an easy lesson, and a few minutes watching the Harry Potter 4 (his favorite series but he has no time to watch movies so he has only seen 1-3). I delivered on none of these tonight.

I didn't know at the time of my promise that he would be having an English exam this coming Thursday. Nor did I realize that the one cookie mix I brought calls for a stick of butter, a commodity that is available to me in this town. The Chinese school system is all about exam performance. I thought our time would be better spent reviewing for the exam because he did not do very well on the last one. I mean his parents aren't paying me for nothing right, so my pride is a little on the line here too. I thought maybe we could breeze through the review and still be able to watch part of the film. I was wrong. It took more than the usual hour to get through the review I had arranged. He even brought up the cookie for the word "give". "Teacher, you will give me one of these things, remember"? So I had to deliver something. I had searched all the drawers and cupboards for my American candy stashes. All I had left was a partial box of Reeses pieces, un-crystallized sugar coated chunks of ginger from TJ's, and a few sour patch kids. Oh boy, I failed big time here!

After the lesson I busted out my findings and told him I was sorry about the cookies but I had these candies (or sugars as they say here) from America and that I wanted him to try them. First he tried the Reeses pieces which he thought was chocolate. I showed him a container of peanut butter from China so he would understand what it was. Next he popped a chunk of ginger into his mouth. He doubled over, spit it out into his hand and screamed, "what is this??” I died laughing. I went into the kitchen to grab some raw ginger to show him what it was. When I returned I found slowly trying to suck down small pieces. I just laughed and told him he didn't have to eat it and went to get him some tissue so he could discard it. Next I asked him if he liked sour things. He said "I little like". So he picked up a sour patch kid and shoved it into his mouth. Again his face went bananas as his noise wrinkled and his eyes went into extreme defensive squint. This time he managed to suck all the sour coating off and then I think he enjoyed the gummy afterwards.

I made him eat a few more Reeses just to end on a positive note even though he protested saying he was too fat and couldn't eat any more. Poor kid. He was a half hour late to the lesson tonight and I don't think he had eaten supper before he came. I hit him during the lesson, worked him harder than I ever have before, gave him two terrible tasting candies, didn't let him watch a video, and didn't deliver on the cookies. He left happy though because I showed him that I had bought the film and told him we would watch it someday. Oh Tony, I hope he at least does well on his exam this week.

PD

If P. Dick thinks the clothes washing method in India is severe, he has never come head to head with a Chinese washing machine. These things will shred, stretch and maim! Usually they target your most prized processions: the scarf your sister gave as a going away present, the only bra that truly fits and is comfortable, the warmest socks you brought, or the only jeans that stay at your waist. Not to mention the machine doesn’t truly clean anything. The cycle is maybe a whole 30 minutes, most of which is a whirling dervish of spin cycles that are so violent it often unplugs itself. All of these wouldn’t be so bad if this country had dryers. They would mitigate the stretching and even burn off some of the filth. If you want something machine dried, you have to go to Thailand. Hug your machines and darn it, use the different settings! Go crazy. Use that hot water and switch it up, use the delicate cycle even.

I will build a bridge with badminton!!

Today I was rushing out of my apartment a little after 5pm. I realized I had forgotten to go to the store earlier to purchase items for my supper. The students usually get out of school at around 5:40 and it is always mass chaos at that time. I wanted to beat the crowd. As I ran across the school yard I saw that the headteacher from class 106 was playing badminton. I shouted hello and he waived me over. Oh boy. His English is hilarious because he always uses the wrong words. At least he tries right. He decided I would play him. I have only played badminton maybe twice in my life both at a teen. This was probably going to be hilarious. Then again if you have ever watched a Chinese person who was not on an Olympic team play any sort of sport you begin to feel you have a shot at beating them in anything.

I took my position after explaining I am horrible at badminton (I mean who really plays it anyway right?). We had a go and I brushed up on my serving. After a few volleys, in which I did hold my own, he passed his racket off to a women. We played for quite some time and it was enjoyable I have to admit. I made far more noise than she did. Then our headmaster came out onto the field. He is a very likable friendly sort of man, until you go head to head at badminton. He did kick my butt. He kept doing those fancy tennis moves like pretend you and gonna slam it then just tap it over the net. And I thought I was competitive. Another headmaster (this one is just over the English teachers and is always trying to intimidate me) came over and was also watching me make a fool of myself. Someone suggested he should play me but he refused. I think he was scared. The racket was then passed again. Did it occur to anyone besides me that I just played for people without a rest. And they wondered why I was so winded.

SO today was great. I built bridges through badminton!

On Importance

Today I sat in bed feeling wimpy,and mulling over this idea of importance. How does American importance differ from that of the Chinese? Also, how does it differ within ones society and even family?

In America it seems most people want to find an important job. But what jobs are truly important? Often I believe people get a job that sounds important i.e., makes you a lot of money. We have so tied making money with being important. I mean truly, movie stars make a ton of money but how important is their job. Instead of challenging people to think and imagine for themselves, movies allow us to escape and let someone else do all the thinking for us. Unless of course it is a great movie that gets your brain functioning. Although, I can’t say that I have watched one of those lately. (Perhaps I am underestimating the importance of escape.)

Importance is most often subjective, much to my dismay. I spent a year studying microfinance and believing that it was important. Other students in my class studied beer pong. Like I said, importance is subjective. If you sound important people leave you alone for the most part and admire you. You feel good about yourself.

Now I have a job which I rather laughed at before moving here and felt like it wasn’t really a great job, at least not my lifetime goal. Now I am having a whole new thought about it. Perhaps it is my own way of making my time here feel important. My job is not really about entertaining a mass of 7th & 8th graders, but it is truly a diplomatic feat. Most of these kids don’t have too much money which means they don’t travel. Our town is very small by Chinese standards and I may be the only white person some of them meet, at least for now. Who cares right? They are just punk kids and what I say won’t really change their view of anything. With any luck they have watched at least one English movie or TV show and that in and of itself concerns me.

What I find extremely interesting is that “children are our future”. If we, myself and the other foreign teachers, get this right we may be able to change some perceptions. We also interface with many of these kids parents. The wealthier (mainly government officials) ones want us to tutor their children and take us out for fancy meals. What a great opportunity right.

Now back to the States. Within my own family there are what feel like degrees of important. Some of my uncles have “important jobs” while others just have jobs. Granted they all provide for their families so in that sense they are all important. However, when I look at my own family I believe that many of my aunts have the most important jobs. Many of them stayed home and raised their children. All of the cousins are grown enough now that this is no longer necessary. I believe two of my aunts, in particular, have highly important jobs. One is a middle school teacher and one works in a state university but she is not a professor. She too “manages” students. I think they are both amazing and their jobs are truly important. They are shaping and guiding the minds and behaviors of the ones who will surpass us.

I didn’t move to China with any of this in mind, remember I just came because I had something else opening up. Perhaps I am just trying to justify my time here as important. I am not naïve enough to believe that my one year here will make some dramatic diplomatic impact in the next twenty years, but wouldn’t that be nice.

How to catch a cockroach

About three days ago there was a cockroach in the closet. He managed to escape as I was fumbling around trying to choose the correct weapon of destruction. He was rather large and I did not want to smear him all over the place. Once a pest has escaped, what are your options? I decided to check my bed every night in case he had crawled under my covers. I poked about here and there for a bit but with no luck.

It is very cold in my house so I almost have a hot drink of some kind. Many times it gets left on my desk. I guess I hadn’t finished a cup of cocoa and when I came home this afternoon I decided to dump it out and start fresh. Well, my long lost pest was floating in my cocoa. That put me off the idea of enjoying some chocolate and also of using that mug.

So, if you ever need to catch a cockroach, leave out a cup of cocoa. They can’t resist!

Rice wine WILL kick your ass!

So instead of being alone this evening one of the other foreign teachers joined our dinner party and I must say it was quite fun. There were many people there including three of our headmasters, three other teachers, a head teacher, and an assistant to our guest whose primary job was to make sure every one's glasses were always full and that toasts were happening ALL through the night. I of course wanted to make a good impression so I didn't turn down any drinks and I must say for a light weight I did pretty damn good. (Please do excuse any misspellings because rice wine is really just a shot of hard alcohol and I lost track.) Tomorrow I will face my students and all I can say is I hope I don't have a hangover.

Inside their heads

Tonight is another meal put on by one of my student's parents to thank the teachers for their hard work. It will probably take place at a restaurant. Too many dishes will be ordered. I will have everyone near me put things in my bowl that I wouldn't choose to serve myself. There will be MANY toasts, which means means a lot of drinking. The men will slowly turn bright red. They will also begin smoking near the end of the meal. But the best of all is I will have a few moments to myself to think and process. I will no doubt be in a room FULL of people but I will feel alone. There will be intervals of at least 20 minutes where no one speaks to me because well, we share no common language. We don't even share common gestures or niceties. Many times as I am sitting eating watching everyone around me I begin to hold their conversations in my head. It is amazing how when trying to guess what they are saying my true feelings or underlying thoughts come out. I realize that I feel as though I have nothing in common with these people. But alas, they are still people. I have lived with other people who didn't speak English but I have never felt the same way as I do here.

Perhaps it is because my country does produce propaganda against this one and I have succumbed to it.
Perhaps it is because their country was "closed" for such a long time and is still somewhat shrouded in mystery.
Perhaps it is because I live in a subdued state of fear because it is what was here long before I arrived.
Perhaps it is because their tonal language is hard, kind of like German.
Perhaps I don't understand their hand gestures.

Regardless of all of these things, I know tonight their will be awkward moments; I won't be as entertaining as they hoped; I will probably swallow at least one fish bone; everyone will leave full; and I will discover more about myself in this 2 hour dinner than I would if I stayed locked up in my apartment by myself for the next week.

disturbed

So this isn't the lightest note I will ever write and it is definitely bothersome.

On Saturday I stopped a pick pocket. I yelled at him and almost put my hand on his shoulder before I realized physical contact may not be the BEST idea. I was already standing less than two feet away from him and who knows, maybe he would try to grab my bag and shove me down. Who knows right? Anyway, I yell "HEY HEY. What are you doing???!!!!" He turned and replied (in English no less), "oh I am sorry" and then walked off. The guy whose bag the thief had reached his hand into didn't even realize what was going on. He was too enthralled in his girlfriend to even realize I had just saved his goods from being swiped because the whole thing happened in English. Pick pocketing is quite common here in our town and I think all of the other foreign teachers have witnessed it. Some have been able to intervene while others were too far off to do anything. The amazing thing is that the Chinese will just watch the whole robbery occur and never say a word. They will watch the guy swipe a wallet and just shake their heads in silence. They no not get involved.

Today I was invited to a teachers house for lunch. She lives on the 8th floor and I live on the 5th floor. As we rounded the 6th floor there was a man hurriedly taking off his shoes standing in his doorway (you always take off your outside shoes and put on house slippers whenever you enter a home because your outside shoes and absolutely filthy and you would have to clean your floors 5 times a day to keep them clean). Normally I would smile and greet the person but he was in no mood to smile and nod. I then heard a girl whimpering in the background and kind of giggled to myself. The man then slammed the door and I heard crazy loud thrashing and banging about. By this time we were on the 8th floor and my friend was struggling to get her keys in the door. The whimpering below had turned into full fledged screams and there was a serious commotion. My heart dropped, my gut hurt and I could feel tears trying to well up in my eyes. This girl was obviously being beaten probably for something as trivial as a poor mark on a test or some other seemingly ridiculous matter by our standars. The beating went on for a few minutes. Mind you I could still hear this all and they were on the 6th floor while I was on the 8th. My friend fumbled to turn the TV. We didn't discuss the incident.

Baby spoons

So my new apartment came "fully furnished" with two whole Chinese spoons, one metal spatula, a wok, and a gigantic butcher knife. I mean, what more does a girl need right? So after trying to use the spoons a few times I realized that my huge American mouth was too large for the spoons. The spoons here are about half the size you would receive at any Chinese restaurant in the States. Now you know just how small they are!

I went to a few different stores looking for a more suitable spoon so I could actually enjoy my oatmeal or whatever else I want to eat with spoon. There were a lot of small metal spoons to choose form but no tablespoons, which is what i prefer. I finally settled on the baby spoons. I now posses a Mickey and a Minnie spoon. They are plastic and shaped like more like a classic Chinese spoon but they are larger than the adult spoons, which is in complete contrast to the American baby spoons. Like I was telling the students today, all countries do the same things like eat and read but the way in which we do things is often the exact opposite.

In China, babies have enormous spoons. In America babies have tiny spoons, but in both countries these spoons are plastic, brightly coloured, and have ridiculous cartoon characters on them. And in both countries I own baby spoons.

Pets for lunch!

Day two in my new apartment I was invited to my overseer’s (Christa) home for lunch along with all the English teachers from grade seven. We had a very delicious meal with lots of meat. That was a pleasant surprise because I hadn’t had any in a few days. It was at this meal that my Christa showed me the turtle she had purchased in the supermarket and intended to kill it for supper.

The next day I was invited to have breakfast with her and her husband. I went into the kitchen to learn how to “make” rice balls which consisted of boiling some water, taking the bag of balls out of the freezer, and plopping them into the water. I think I can handle this on my own. It is then that I asked if the turtle was still around. She decided that she couldn’t kill it and asked her husband. He decided he didn’t want to do it either. There he was sitting in a basin with a little water. He was a very weird green color and did not poses a solid shell but a thinner shell that wasn’t distinct from his neck. I explained that in America many people have turtles as pets and it’s not a meal we really eat. (Isn’t it illegal???)

The next day I was again invited over for lunch with two other of the grade seven teachers. It took HOURS of preparation. When lunch was finally ready it was after 4pm. I asked what took so long. She informed me she had finally killed and cooked the turtle and this is what we were having. Oh god, here we go! I requested that when the dish was brought out that no one tells me which one was the turtle. Of course I’ll try it but its better mentally if my meat is unidentifiable. The Chinese eat in waves. They only have one pan, so everything is cooked in a sequence and brought out when the single dish is done. The turtle stew was the third dish that came out. To my dismay it was easily identifiable.

Strange triangles of thin “meat” floating in a clear-ish broth with small cream colored balls connected by some kind of dark membrane also drifted about. I guess it was a female. Christa’s husband began dishing chunks of meat and potatoes into my bowl. I tried not think as this would only creep me out. The meat was rather flavorless and the texture was slimy, chewy, but manageable. I did not like this turtle. However, it is “good for my health” and therefore I have to eat it. Three more pieces were flopped into by bowl by others and then came the moment when a strand of turtles eggs slithered into my bowl. I tried to imagine what they were like and if I was supposed to eat the membrane or pick the egg off the sack or what! I plucked off one egg and popped that sucker into my mouth. It was not what I was expecting! It was almost chalky but still pasty. I don’t think I have ever eaten something with the same consistency. Again, I did not like this turtle. The husband then tried to give me what I imagine was the neck. It looked like and internal organ and was black and slimy. Thank god Christa came to the rescue. There was no way I was ready to choke down a turtle neck for lunch. He tried several times to give the neck to me when Christa would leave the room but I kept covering my bowl with my hand. Geesh! I’m a human, and my stomach has feelings!

The Gator got me!

I sit typing, my noise dripping because it is quite cold and I have adopted the Chinese way of not turning on your heater no matter how cold it gets. I have not yet been brave enough to open my windows for "clean air and for health" quite yet. Although, my kitchen does have a gap between the plastic "window" and the wall and also contains a gaping hole. Then there was the matter of the kitchen door that led to the great outdoors. The door was permantly lodged open about four inches because it held up the large bamboo pole, from which I am to hang my quilts and laundry. I had someone held pull it inside and now the door closes. All in all, things are good.


My cousin and I went on a whirlwind trek through China, Malaysia, Thailand, and Cambodia in just 2 and a half weeks. What a fabulous time we had!! We were scammed on the Cambodian border, my backpack was run over by a tuk-tuk and then stolen in the next country, many people asked us to be in their holiday pictures, and our bus drove off without us. We had a blast!! Neither of us got sick (which is more than we can say for any other traveller we met) until we were back in China. My third meal back consisted of a normal broth with noodles but an unidentifiable black and white meat connected to some bones wrapped in what appeared to be a black scaly skin, much like that of a gator. Thus, the gator got me. I am still recovering three days later. We are now back in Hubei province which is known for its spicy foods and now so is my bung hole!






The highlights of the trip would have to be the Petranos Twin Towers in Kuala Lumpur and the Angkor temples in Cambodia. The people in both of those countries also brought us much light and entertainment. I know completely why Angelina Jolie adopted a Cambodian child and fell in love with the country. However, my great love lies in Kuala Lumpur. I have never visited a country and/or city and immediately loved it and wanted to live their. It is beyond words for me. The city is SO eclectic and just gorgeous. The landscape and skyscrapers are the perfect backdrop to the most diverse group of people you will ever see. Not to mention, they eat with a fork and spoon simultaneously! This is stark contrast to the Chinese who use chopsticks and insist on chopping everything into tiny little bits. This only allow for minuscule bites of everything, and because eating is one of my favourite things on this planet, I prefer to shove in as much flavour in one bite as possible!


Regardless, I am back in China and have moved into my apartment which is quite dingy at the moment, but I hope to spruce it up a bit and call it comfy soon. This morning I was whisked away to a meeting of all the teachers in my school who had to address in Chinese. That gator tried to get me again I tell you! The rest of the day was full of lesson plans, meeting and greeting students, more meetings entirely in Chinese, gorging myself on duck, pork and beef, cleaning and trying to catch up with all the folks back home to reassure them that I am still alive and back from the SE Asia. Tomorrow is the Lantern Festival so I hope to get some good pic of the festivities but above all I hope to relax before diving into teaching my 17 classes a week!


Perhaps after reading this you are feeling a tiny twinge of empathy? Perhaps not! Either way, the stretching has begun, both of my waistline and of my spirit!

Yippy Skippy

Well, I need to start somewhere right? I find it fabulous that the second post is happening on the second day of January in the new year, and is also exactly one month since my first post. Granted, I do not believe I was up at 3:20AM last time but I am this time.

These last few weeks have been full of family, fun, preparation, stress, and probably too much thinking. That would explain why I am up beyond 3am. This new year has already brought great relief and hope! How swift was that? I'm feeling victorious and excited! There are still a bazillion things to do in this next week but it's all good. China is still on the horizon, as is this this whole next year!